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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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From a Depression Sufferer's Point of View
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Accepting my own depression/anxiety
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Re: Accepting my own depression/anxiety
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hoping I see a light
sending support
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Mar 9 06 8:35 AM
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Cynfully, I may have some idea of what you're feeling. I had breast cancer eight years ago, went through lumpectomy and radiation and was left with a permanently screwed-up arm due to lymphedema. Hurts like a bugger some days, some days less, but always some degree of problem.
Then two years ago I had a suspicious mammogram, same side. Considering how messed up my arm already is, I was damned if I was going to have further surgery on that side and wasn't planning to spend my remaining time bald and barfing either, if that was even an option. Have you seen the recent movie "Last Holiday"? Well, I wouldn't have gone anyplace bloomin' cold like Prague but the idea was the same.
The good news is that I had a biopsy, it was okay, and I'm back to giving very little thought at all to cancer except being totally ticked over the messed-up arm. But I have a clear memory of the time between initial diagnosis and completing treatment, and an even better memory of the four months between second suspicious mammogram and biopsy (the doctor said wait six months but my insurance was changing to an HMO and I wasn't dealing with that!) - and it was not fun.
You most definitely are heading in the right direction by starting Lexapro. You could maybe ask your doctor about Ativan, I took a few of those first time around to dull the worst of the panic and threw out the rest.
Please don't beat yourself up for examining the option of a graceful exit. I believe the thought crosses everybody's mind when a bad diagnosis comes in, and especially when it's not for the first time. And all of the feel-good stories about plucky survivors can be a real pain in the butt, it's like being ticked and feeling rotten aren't allowed - AAARRGGHH! You feel what you feel, and anger and fear and all of the negative stuff is part of what you feel. Who cares if you get through it kicking and screaming and snarling as long as you get through it? I wasn't angelic before and I feel no obligation to be angelic now!
Still, if the odds of recovery with the surgery are good, that means you'll still be around to kick the rest of the problems to the curb after you deal with this. I obviously don't know you, but it seems to me like you're plenty tough enough.
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