I'm trying to keep going, when things seem to be doing better i get hit with something new. I had an axiety attack at work yesterday, meeting today with my boss and hers, discussing my job. The lexapro doesn't seem to be able to keep things undercontrol right now-to many new sources to get into. Things aren't good, they haven't been for a while, i want to give up, dont want to do this anymore. Haven't heard from dh for 5 days now, things had been going much better, it has me a total mess. I went from thinking that yes he meant everything he said, all the dates we had the past few weeks, the i love yous, the i'm coming home, to dispair and thoughts that he really wants divorce. I prob made things worse by leaving a note for him today in the car at work. I have decided that it was time to tell him to just be honest with me, that i cant do this anymore, and i have to put my own selfish needs aside and also think of the kids. If i am this much of a mess than they must be worse. I told him the time to make his decision is now and let me know. Its killing me inside thinking i already know the answer.