I suspect that Dh has PTSD and not just depression. He has talked to a lawyer about divorce, but has not filed papers yet. He is detatching himself from him family, real friends, and myself. He keeps saying he loves me and he needs to get out of the relationship before we cannot be friends any longer. He has cheated on me and is drinking heavily. He makes excuses to call me, but will not see me and refuses to answer when I call. He has moved out to a motel and will not come to the house, he calls once a day sometimes everyother day. He keeps saying he is a bad person and that he does not deserve to be forgiven that I should hate him for what he has done.

It has not been easy, he did cheat, but I think it is a symptom, he was not like this before. The things he says now do not make sense, and he is obviously miserable with himself and his decisions.

I took off my wedding ring, took down our wedding pictures, put all the stuff to do with him out of the house, out of my life, knowing this could be the end and I will have to get over him. But I am increasingly unhappy.

I do not think I can give up, let go, walk away, what have you now. I think he needs support whether he is accepting of it or not. I have come to grips with the fact that I cannot make him get help, admit what is going on, or stop his drinking. I will not try to, but I am not giving up on him either, for me it is not the right thing. I realize this may not change his behavior but for now I cannot walk away.

I called him this morning and told him to quit trying to push me away, quit trying to save me, I am a big girl I chose to be here and as long as I choose to be here there is nothing he can do to stop me. I told him that I love him, I have faith he will figure it out, I will not push him or harass him. That I know there is nothing I can do to help unless he comes to me, but he cannot make me leave either. He needs to focus his attention on himself and not on what is happening with me.

I realize this may have no affect on him or maybe a bad affect on him. I hope not. I think he is terribly confused. I went through a 14 month deployment to Iraq with him where I did not know if he would come back at all, or in one peice, I told him if I can handle that 3 months of his misery and bad behavior are not going to drive me away.

Does this sound crazy?