As I look back over 28 years with the same man, I can see where sometimes I felt not "in-love". It's too hard to keep the intensity of those emotions all time. At other times, we grew distant because of critical differences we feel about how to raise the kids, discipline, money, etc. To be honest, sometimes I didn't care about his well-being. I hoped he would have an affair so I, as a woman of faith, would have a justifible reason to leave.

Today-I'm glad we are still together. We've grown closer in the last year than I thought would ever be possible. Today, I call us friends. We are "in-love" as you defined.

I'm wondering: perhaps it's not the D talking. Perhaps this is a passage couples in long term relationships go through. Sometimes the relationship seems bland, missing something. Other times, the renewal of feelings seems miracleous (sp?). For me and my SO, it seems to cycle. Or maybe more like a rollercoaster ride. Those first few dips are steep and scary. By the end of the ride, I feel we can handle the dips. They come and go. Just a thought from an old woman.

Does not being in love bother you? An asian indian friend of mine has an arranged marriage. He hardly knew his spouse before marriage. He was 40 yrs old before getting married and never knew what our term "in-love" meant. He believes love is a feeling of mutual respect that grows between partners as they spend time together. Do you feel this is also missing?

I can relate to the "D talking" speech invalidating your feelings. That's how I feel whenever my husband ask me "is it that time of the month?"

I know you've heard this a millions times and I concur-DAML your postings bring me great insight. I see my husband better because of you. Thank you and please keep posting.