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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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"Not in-love defined
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Re: "Not in-love defined
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nextgirl
Re: that is the depression talking phrase
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Feb 4 06 1:17 PM
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This is, of course, just my opinion.
Daml, I think in your case, it is probably not 'the depression talkking'. I think in others, it may be true.
The reason I believe there is a difference is because you are so actively involved in therapy, and taking meds, exercising, not drinking, etc.
From the time you made the decision to do all of these things, you began to take control of the depression. Not to say that you are in total control of it, but you are using every tool available to you to understand it, recogize triggers, identify past events that may have fed it, and learning to handle your emotions instead of stuffing them down.
This is very unlike the D individual who denies that they have D, or refuses to do anything about it.
I believe this because I am not depressed. I am very thankful to not be. However, each of the definitions of "not in love" apply to *me* and my feelings for my dso.
I love him. I truly do. I want to have a relationship with him similar to what we had before. Right now we do not have that, and I do not have faith in his ability to address his D or his drinking at this time. That being the case, I am not cut out to be "in love" with the man he has become.
I do not believe that the pattern he has established for himself while we have lived together for the past several years will be easily broken while we remain together.
I very much believe that the only way he *may* be able to help himself is to be on his own. The only way I will be able to not feel badly toward him is if I am not with him when or after he has been drinking. I do not know the last time he's been sober for an entire day.
I'm not advocating seperation, but for me, it may be the only chance for us to renew our relationship. Of course, it may mean the end of our romantic relationship. But maybe that is what is *right* for us.
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