Your question:
"Do deppressives know deep inside that they are slowly killing their loved ones?"

Yes and no. Yes we know we are hurting those around us but no we think those around us do not love us. If we are slowly "killing", it makes our hurt deeper thus deepens our depression. The deeper the depression the more successful we are.



Your question:
"Do you even give a @#%$ or do you feel it is the ONE thing in your life you have control over so it makes you feel powerful?"

No we don't care when are in a deep depressive state. I per se was not looking for power over any one. I just did not care.



I am sorry for your pain. This is certainly a cruel disease. It also a disease that still seems to not be readily accepted in society but that is changing.
daml