Hi Travlr:

Quote:
So what you are advocating -- if I'm reading it correctly -- is just leaving a depressed person completely alone, even if they have no other source of friendship or support?


I appreciate the question, and I will risk an answer, even one that might make me look uncompassionate (to the untrained eye, that is ;) ) ... after all, we are here to exchange views and learn from the experience.

So, your question is written in a 3rd person -- "a depressed person". But this is not that indifferent, this is your EX. My answer is specific to this particular situation... And, I didn't gather from this thread that you were the only living person standing between this man and the abyss... Is this in fact the case? And if so, then you are setting yourself up as the Savior, and you are defining his world in such a way that his only way of coming back to a life is to resume one that includes you.

Whatever the situation is now, it can change, and with or without help from us... your disengagement frees up time for him -- he's not beating himself up over disappointing you, he's not left to contend with a dying relationship that keeps being pushed back into his view (again, your motives are good -- business, altruism, or safety, but they are still engagement requirements for him, and open doors to what you really want, which it's not clear that is what he wants).

In other words, it is possible that your absence creates opportunities for him.

Let's also ask the question of you... given that you believe this man has no friends, no support, nothing other than you, why would you continue to interact in ways that cause him to beat himself up, and wish that he would continue to do so for disappointing you, so that he would learn a lesson?

Since I don't know your background, or why he is your EX (perhaps it's on another thread), there are of course other circumstances and other parts of the story that are important here. Nor can I possibly debate why he has no other hope for human interaction aside from his EX girlfriend. That's a pretty tight box.

Please do not take my replies as judgement, or pressure on you to behave or do anything specific... my reason for participation here is to come to a more comprehensive view of all our situations through discovery and exchange. If it is proving to be destructive to your aims, I will stop...

Best... Red.