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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Want to know what depression is like? - Part I
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Re: Want to know what depression is like? - Part I
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Nov 20 05 7:46 PM
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Red,
No offense taken. I appreciate the back and forth.
I can't say he's ever called me his savior. Though, even before the D settled in, he called me his "therapist" and after the D diagnosis he called me his "only friend." He has contact with colleagues at work, but doesn't have close relationships with any of them. He talks to his parents and sister, but they are dealing with an ill mother, so he keeps personal problems from them. He has a thing about not "burdening" people. He talks to his dysfuncitonal ex-wife, who he is FINALLY learning to set boundaries with, thanks to therapy. He spends time with his two teen-age sons -- one of whom is bp. And that's it. I believe I am the only person with whom he has shared many of his personal issues (there are things his parents and sister don't even know), and I'd wager I'm the only one who knows he's in therapy.
I won't go into a long rehash of why the relationship ended, other than he did it VERY abruptly after I returned from a working vacation to Europe (where I used to live). One day he's telling me come home, he doesn't do anything when I'm not here. Then two days later and I'm back home he sends an email saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship any more.
In retrospect, given all that I've learned about D in the past six months, it was settling in before I departed, but I had no clue. For example, I had asked him to pick me up at the airport when I returned from my trip. He couldn't because he had to help his son with something,
but his response was "I'm a terrible boyfriend." I thought his reaction was over the top, but had no idea of the source. We both attributed his stress to problems wrought by his bp son. Instead it turns out he's been suffering from undiagnosed D for 30+ years. And I think he's been verbally/emotionally abused by his ex-wife for years.
As for me asking things of him, there have been two situations where I really NEEDED his help in the past six months. He came through for me one time; he dropped the ball the second. Maybe I'm insensitive to the impact of D, but for me a basic part of human life is helping other people. I've cycled through my anger at him, and now I mostly feel sorrow that he's not healthy enough at the moment to understand the joy (and pain as well, of course) that comes through human relationships of any sort.
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