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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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From a Depression Sufferer's Point of View
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Want to know what depression is like? - Part I
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Re: Want to know what depression is like? - Part I
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Lisalonewolf
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Jan 13 06 1:33 PM
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I have long said, since in my teens, that blood being thicker than water only means my arteries will clog up and I die...and that I have spent years seeking, finding, making friends with those family I have...I had no choice in family members.
This did not win me any brownie points...but, so what?
My family is also quite dysfunctional. I do not see my sister much, don't want to, and I used to be the one with the need for therapy afterwards...no longer. I still have my gripes with her not helping when dad got ill...but, the old stuff is passing away. Partly because I let pass, in part because I gave myself boundaries with seeing her...and I keep them.
I am quite content not seeing my relatives again. Not through any big argument, but, don't see a point...beyond blood.
I have an uncle who has his life...a cousin with her life...and my sister...and various and sundry distant cousins etc. that I do not know...or know little. A card once every couple of years at christmas does not make a family.
The way our family was, it was just Dad, Mom, and Me. Sister lived close but 'had her own family to think of' and 'they, m+d, were terrible parents..blah..blah..blah'...My other sister died young...and their is a very big age gap between me and eldest sister.
People become family, to me, by time spent together...desire to know one, be a part of ones life, interact at some level often or deeply. None of that is in my biological families needs. Nor mine since I grew up with it thus.
Do You have to engage with your family? No, or to the extent you allow. Do you set boundaries with your family? Lessening contact if they cannot follow those boundaries.
By boundary I mean if someone says or does something that bothers you, remind them it does, remind them to not do so, and if it continues..disengage, detach, whatever...for it is you health, mental and physical that is important...not showing a gritting smiling face to someone who doesn't respect you.
There are people I have known 20-30 years, they are family. There are some I have known months, they are family. My sister is seen at present rarely...
See our lives are our own, we chose who we want to have a relationship with. We can incur pain by associating with those that hurt us, or do the healthy thing and associate with those who really care for us, and for whom we care.
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