Therapy can be revealing to the therapist and the pdoc, but until the meds are working, the results are, IMO, part of diagnosing. There's a physical and mental imbalance, which, IMO, needs to be addressed before beneficial conversations can happen.

His therapist might have a good reason to avoid being a third party. There's the possibility they're aware of how futile it can be at this time and don't wish to lose any ground they might have gained. They, after all, are not trying to help your or your relationship. They are trying to help their patient, which might not include you at this time.

If you have the conversation with the pastor, don't be surprised if it goes downhill and the result is more anger and resentment. You and the pastor can be so rational they want put your pictures in the encyclopedia, but with only one irrational person in the conversation, the rationality is thrown out the window and the effort is wasted.

You've set a boundry, which requires acceptance, a proof of changes and a goal of seeking health. You may be becoming impatient and are caving to the pressure of wanting results too soon.

My personal opinion is that you wait on any couples counseling or third party involvement until you feel comfortable and see positive steps towards his improvement.