I have a different kind of past haunting me.
The past where:

the first time I saw DH in highschool I had a feeling there was somthing special about him, that he was connected to me somehow...

how I was delivering newspapers near his parents house and he happened to drive by and stop and talk to me at 4:30 in the morning the day before he left for the Marine Corps....

the fact that he looked up my phone number the next morning before he got on the plane and called and asked me for my address...

two week later I got the first of many letters and phone calls that would come every couple of months for the next 4 years...

How we made a super bowl bet in 1999 and in 2001 when he got out he took me to dinner to settle the score....

How I should not have even been around for him to take me (was supposed to be 300 miles away in college) but my grandmother was dying and delayed me a semester...

How I moved and we lost touch for a year and a half but he never left my mind, it was like I knew that we were to be together so I was waiting...

How the week-end after new years 2002 I ran into him in the bar at home and he came and talked to me...

I gave him a ride home...Saw him the next day briefly...the next week-end he started to come and visit me at college...

How we lived through a 14 month deployment without breaking up and without causualty....

That is the past that haunts me. I kinda have always been the "everything happens for a reason" person, so why would all of those things happened over all those years to bring us together to end like this? Do I believe this is happening for a reason, must be..but if God only gives us as much strength as we can handle I am at my limit. I don't want anymore, why put us together, why give me that peace that we are supposed to be together all those years and then do this?

I cannot let go of him because the past that put us together for some reason keeps haunting me.