Quote:
For the first time in 6 years I have no idea where he is sleeping at night, what he is doing, where he is, how he is doing and it is killing me. I miss him so much. I cannot give up on the love I feel for him, I cannot let that go.


I went through this at 21 years of marriage. Wife had left and was living in her home town. She was at a motel, but I wasn't there, so I assumed she was. I had no idea really. My emotions were tearing me apart.

I'm not going to write it's best to accept you have no control over your SO and concentrate on yourself because you can do what you want... anytime, anywhere and anyhow. There's nothing I can do to change this and I can accept that or beat my head against the wall worrying that your health is suffering because you won't listen to my advice.

I will write that you have been given a special place in this world. It's a tough place because the person you love is suffering and beyond your reach. Where, if they would slow down long enough and allow you to just hug them, you could learn together how to fight this beast and succeed as a couple. Unfortunately, they might not come to you for your help. In their worst moments they will say and do things that tear you heart and leave you bleeding inside. Their lack of concern for you couldn't be any more, or at least it seems this way. You're dying every day and they won't even call and let you know they are ok.

I'll also write you won't have any freedom from your own pain until you remove your burdens. The biggest is the burden of worry. You can worry for 24 hours without sleep, but nothing will change...except you. Your health will deteriorate until there's nothing left. Your soul will be a bitter knot in your heart that torments you with indecision and regret. Letting go doesn't mean to discard. It means saving yourself so you can save others.