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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Re: Abusive Language
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Epona04
Re: Abusive Language
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Jul 3 07 5:59 PM
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Weve got many issues going on in this thread .. Just one would be definitions and perceptions.
Some words are just simply ambiguous - they have a societal generally understood meaning - their usage within the parameters of a certain dynamics such as mental health, or law can alter or add to the meaning. This can be confusing people who have not had any life experience which necessitated them to have that specific knowledge.
Example -
Harassment
- both because the term is used in common English, and because where the term is defined by law, it is difficult to provide any exact definition that is accepted everywhere.
Mental Health conditions use terms such as
Borderline or Hypomania
- what is your personal perception and understanding of these words? - and how do they compare to the actual definition used in the dynamics of Mental Health?
Using some different vocabulary may not only help us convey messages here and to our partners or family members - using a different word, term, or phrase consistently can help change our own mindsets in positive ways.
Example:
Victim V Target. I am a target not a victim.
My perception of an abuser - not just a case of them using verbally abusive language when under stress, angry or ill, it doesnt make someone an abuser per say.
- abusers use more than just verbal abuse. It is rare that one form of abuse is not accompanied by another - should there be cause to only define a verbal abuser - the occasional use of bad language or hurtful language still doesnt make a person a 'verbal abuser' - it is the presence of a consistent and persistent pattern which constitutes labeling someone an 'abuser". At the same time, someone may not meet the criteria for being an "abuser" or an abusive personality, but that doesn't mean their behavior is not abusive.
Someone who uses emotionally manipulative behavior on consistent and persistent basis creating a recognizable repetitive pattern of operation, might well be defined as
an emotional manipulator
- their actions and choice of words are different to someone who is say easily recognized as a
serial bully
but the purpose, or the payoff of their behavior is the same. to gain control or exert power in order to get what they want. They themselves may not meet the criteria needed to be classified as, or legally recognized as an ABUSER - but their behavior is still abusive ......
Some other suggestions for vocabulary & definitions:
Abuse
is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc
Bullying
is characterized by aggressive or intent-to-harm behaviors performed repeatedly over time. It occurs in interpersonal relationships where a power imbalance is present. One aspects of bullying is that it is relentless. Most people can take one episode of teasing or name calling or being shunned at the mall. However, when it goes on and on, bullying can put a person in a state of constant fear.
Verbal bullying or abuse
includes name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and constant teasing.
Emotional abuse
refers to a long-term situation in which one person uses his or her power or influence to adversely affect the mental well-being of another. Emotional abuse can appear in a variety of forms, including rejection, isolation, exploitation, and terror.
Psychological abuse
refers to the humiliation or intimidation of another person, but is also used to refer to the long-term effects of emotional shock.
A bully
is someone who does or says mean things to get power over another person. Bullying is not just hitting, shoving, or kicking. A bully might call someone names or say bad things about them. A bully also might leave people out of activities on purpose or refuse to talk to them. Some bullies start rumors, threaten people, take things away from them, or force them to do things they don't want to do.
Toxic Person
- someone who always makes you feel dejected, angry or just plain tired, a complainer, or someone who always expects things to go wrong, or someone who constantly finds fault with you, he or she always seem more cheerful after ranting to you
Emotional manipulator
- They seldom express their needs or desires openly - they get what they want through emotional manipulation. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". No matter what your situation is the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now - but only ten times worse. Emotional manipulators fight dirty. They dont deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them. When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find someway to equalize the emotional climate and often the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them.
Emotionally controlling behavior
- is implemented through verbal abuse, body language, and deprivation (withholding). These behaviors are "the way the abuser treats his partner"
Example: CONTROLLING BY MAKING HER RESPONSIBLE: By telling his partner she is responsible for his behavior, this verbal abuser attempts to avoid all responsibility for his own behavior. In other words, he avoids accountability by BLAMING. Examples include:
I did it because you...
You didn't remind me.
You just don't see what I do.
Just show me how
Set a good example
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