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Re: Abusive Language
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Epona04
Re: Abusive Language
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Jul 5 07 3:24 PM
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Micdeb - RE:
I can only speak for myself.
You say very many truthful things which reflect very intelligent and constructive thoughts.
Sometimes we already have so many answers to our own questions, and the thinking and power to resolve the problems of life that haunt and hound us - just sometimes we dont see what that which we already have.
For all of us -
we can only speak for ourselves
. Our beliefs, our thoughts, our perceptions, our opinions, our words and attitudes are ours - as such we are responsible for them. If one of our beliefs or perceptions is different to that of someone else, it doesnt make one belief wrong or right, if our perception is different to someone elses it doesnt make one an accurate reality and the other perception an inaccurate non reality. Reality is subjective and often personal - just because our reality is different to another persons reality doesnt make it not true or actual reality for us. The proof of one fact being accurately a fact doesnt prove another fact inaccurate - two truths can be present at the same time.
If I point out to one person in a conflict that their response is not only socially incorrect, and morally inappropriate, as well as being simultaneously self defeating even self sabotaging - it may well feel like an attacking criticism - rather than a suggestion that their strategy or tactics are not only ineffectual but are also damaging to self and others. Any which way my observation is said it will cause an effect or push a button - an occupational hazard. I can not control how my message is heard, or the interpretation my words are given by someone else, it is a given risk every time we speak.
If in my delivery of my message I omit to point out the strategies and tactics of the other person involved in the conflict as being equally faulty and destructive - does this mean I am supporting the other person or that I approve of their behavior?
Re: the statement following your previous
I don't abuse anyone. Ever. And if I've done something that hurts someone's feelings, or if I make a mistake, I apologize. This one isn't even close.
This is your belief and perception - does it make the same as someone elses?
What if their perception of abuse is different to yours?
A perception is subjective and personal - if a persons experience doesnt allow for an expanded perception that something they do and can't see as abusive..... does it make the action non abusive to some else?
In different cultures different things means different things - what is an acceptable custom to one person is perhaps a rude insult in another culture - one person has the perception that what they are doing isnt rude and insulting - the other person has the perception they are being insulted and abused. Both persons are subject to their cultural beliefs and therefore their perceptions are different - neither intentionally used insulting behavior or purposefully took it the wrong way and consequently felt hurt and thought badly of the other. Any conflict was due to lack of awareness and misunderstanding. However, if both persons learn from the experience and want to avoid similar scenarios in the their futures they will seek knowledge and understanding of different cultures - they will find out about differences - what actions mean in more than just their own culture - and they will work on their own levels of tolerance and patience and develop an acceptance.
Even if some of your actions or words are not considered abusive by either you nor even other people - this doesnt mean that automatically your strategies or tactics, or responses are either appropriate or helpful, to either the other person or your self.
Truthfully just because an action or word is not abusive it doesnt mean it is not destructive. Even if an action is not destructive it is no evidence of it being constructive.
One aspect of
I don't abuse anyone. Ever. And if I've done something that hurts someone's feelings, or if I make a mistake, I apologize. This one isn't even close.
I think I can challenge certain areas of this.
You are a very nice person, who is caring and does good things for other people with the best intentions for their wellbeing.there is no doubt that you are person of high values - you so often go above and beyond - but it remains that often it is at high personal cost to your own wellbeing - if only in the realms of the physical - you do so much that you are physically exhausted - when we are tired physically we are less resilient emotionally - you literally self sacrifice on many an occasion which becomes self sabotaging as it is adding to your already hefty load. So my challenge is that I don't abuse anyone is inaccurate. For sometimes dont you, whilst helping someone else and with the best intentions do something that doesnt help you - a form of self abuse?
also, I dont doubt that if it ever comes to your attention that you have made a mistake, or done something to hurt someone even unintentionally you would apologies and do many things to make amends.
But we cant rule out the existence of other peoples beliefs and perceptions. Sometimes we do things we dont see as hurtful, but nevertheless our actions have been hurtful, or merely unhelpful to someone else - if they dont tell us we will never know, and we cant apologize or change the way we do things.
We can assume, or say that then it is their fault if they dont speak up - but sometimes the environment doesnt make it easy for them to do so - or they dont speak up because they dont want to hurt us or add to a bad time - or they simply lack the skill or will.
If an independent neutral person/messenger comes along after observing an action done by us to another (as in the case scenario I just mentioned the other person does or can't speak up)- and suggests to us, as we are the person responsible for that chosen action, that it is high likely we are not only being unhelpful to someone else , but we are also working against our own best interests
- do we tell the messenger theyre talking rubbish because they is no evidence in support of their suggestion?
Could their suggestion be faulty just because within our belief system our action is of a helpful nature, & since we have no experience or information telling us that our perception of our action is anything but how we see it - as a helpful one, does this make our action categorically a helpful one and the right action
Does it make the suggestion from the messenger just bunch of unfounded baloney? & Does it make the messenger another unhelpful mean spirited person who wants to attack us?
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