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The victim, in an intimate relationship, is often in the role of the parent from the abusers past that he or she has unfinished issues with and the abuser emotional mind-set is akin to a young child throwing a tantrum.

How true. I've experienced this. I became the villain because of unresolved anger at my father in law. He, by all descriptions, was abusive. Constantly monitering the activities in the house to the point of checking milleage on cars to see if someone was lying about where they've been. When I had a thought or feeling that reminded my wife of this man, I became the villian. Not because I was wrong, it was because I was a reminder and the distinction couldn't be realized.
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Abusers are impostors to the reality of who they are. They wear a the mask of charming when really they are insecure and controlling. Abusers wear the masks necessary to get their own way. Masks of charm, masks of rage, masks of caring, and masks of competence - all to hide who they are.

As I've learned, I've realized how many people I've dealt with for years are this person. As you know them better, their insecurity becomes apparant. Their actions and reactions are totally controlled by their inability to accept they may be limited, but not stuck where they are. They've stopped growing. They either don't realize what they are doing, or want to push people away with their actions.
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Abuse is not love. A mask is not a face. An impostor is an actor. A wish wont make a dream come true or make someone change. Abusers are not emotionally honest people. There is no excuse for abuse. There is no logical reason for abuse. There is no justification for abuse

I agree with this, but in my experience, illness or substance abuse removes the rationality and ability to change. Changing this problem first, IMO, is the only way to get them beyond and to healthier thinking. With some people, their destructive behaviors are their final efforts in life. Their comfort in misery won't allow them to get beyond their fears and pain.