Thanks Sully,
I am not really the writting type. But I am pretty creative and have tried to do creative things more. And that is something my T and I are working on. He actually asked me this week to doodle a bunch when I wanted to call my DH so we could try and figure out what is that emotional need I am seeking to be filled. I do feel like I am on track and out of panic mode. As for DH, he isn't on board for helping himself yet. I guess I am able to be patient with that because I do ahve a job and since I don't see him everyday I don't have to deal with it daily which I think helps a lot. He is still refusing to take meds. He goes to T sporatically. He actually told his T at their last meeting that he basically opens up at T to the surface things(in his opinion) when he is at his lowest and as soon as he feels somewhat better he puts his wall back up, acts like he is out of the whole, feeling completely better, and doesn't say anything. He thinks there is something still fundamentally driving all of this. I am actually surprized he told his T this so I guess that is progress. IT's also progress he could open up to me about that. His T actually told him there may not be a fundamental thing driving it besides biochemicals which was good. So maybe slowly he will come around. But in the meantime I do kinda have to say ok, I can wait for you but while I wait I havee to continue putting things(my job) in place so that if in the end you decide you can't be married(which he worries is one of the fundamental things) I'm not stranded. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

I like your idea about an activity for after tough T days. I think that is part of the problem. I would really love to be able to call my DH and talk about some of the stuff I am learning about myself. Plus I am so much better at processes things when I talk outloud. Plus I think sometimes I do get a bunch of stuff from T running around in my head. This semester I actually have to go teach right after my sessions, but maybe I should plan something for those evenings rather than sit around and keep thinking and anaylyzing, which I what I did kinda for the past two days, which I don't think hass totally helped.