Bluesnurse, i can't thank you enough for your reply. things have changed since i last posted and i have pulled completly away. dbf has tried to explain some things about his depression but nowhere near what you explained above. I have read annes book in the beginning but didn't feel that it helped, maybe i need to reread. the final straw for me came last week when he removed all out photos from his house, we talked every night but he wouldn't see me and i was making myself depressed with everything so i didn't contact him for 2 days and on the third day he called me very angry and with an excuse out of the blue, so i wrote him an email on tuesday telling him why i had not contacted him, ie the photos etc and told him as i always do that i love him with my heart and soul and always will, we had something special that neither one of us had experienced before and our future was now in his hands, i wouldn't contact him again it was up to him. One of the last things he said to me when i was last with him was that i was never to doubt that he loved me as he did. the biggest thing that hurts me right now is that when he got the email he didn't ring me and say i don't want this to end either but i need to have some time to myself, or i can't do this right now but want to keep talking to you. I never wanted him to feel that i was abandoning him i have been there through thick and thin this last year, but never once has he said to me that he appreciates what he is putting me through and thank you for being there for me.

this has been one of the most miserable weeks for me and i so want to contact him but don't know what to do for the best for him. He has had his medication uped this week by his doctor, back onto the dose he was told to take, which he decided himself to reduce so i am hoping with all my heart that when that kicks in he will come back. I would appreciate if you could let me know if i would be doing the right thing by even just sending him a chatty email once a week, and tell him i don't expect any response just wanted to blether.

I would give everything i own to help the man i love, its so hard just sitting wathing him go through the pain and not accepting any help we always had a good time when we were together why can he not want to be with me to help him have some good times. Right now he says he doesn't have many memories of what we have done over the last 2 years will that come back.

The reply about putting this on the general discussion board is so right, there are many of us supporters coping with this in the dark and not having the right anwers to anything, i understand that there may never be a right answer to all our questions and everyone experiences depression differently but your help would be s apprecaited by everyone