And if someone tells them "Okay, we can be in a relationship but you don't have to spend any time with me or talk to me unless you want to and that's okay because you are D", then yes, you are reinforcing their negative behavior and telling them that it is okay to use their D as an excuse.
Yes! That is what I am saying!

My Df helped his parents move on Saturday and I believe he went out with friends Saturday night (for the first time in a few months, but still....) he spent the weekend at his parents, and with his family. If he can do those things...why can't he call me or work on our relationship? It just makes no sense to me, other than the idea that he is pushing me to see when I will break, or just waiting for me to end it.