And if someone tells them "Okay, we can be in a relationship but you don't have to spend any time with me or talk to me unless you want to and that's okay because you are D", then yes, you are reinforcing their negative behavior and telling them that it is okay to use their D as an excuse.

I tend to get quite angry at the D people who use it as an excuse because they make it harder for most mentally ill people who are really trying hard to take responsibility for themselves and learn to live as highly functioning adults despite their illnesses.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

DSO has used the depression card on many occassions...."I don't want to be married because I'm so depressed" , "I don't want to be here", "I don't want to be a parent"....it wasn't until I started meeting each of these statements with "okay, I'll do it myself" and putting it back in his court...."why are you going to therapy?" Did I actually see improvement. I demanded that he stop medicating with alcohol "I won't raise children with an alcoholic" I suspect he's used the depression card with me for a lot longer than I think and that I've just accomodated the behavior.

Recently he was having a tantrum and I pointed out to him that every time I'm under duress he seizes the opportunity to behave badly....he said "you're right", I was stunned