BUT
I do believe we teach people how to treat us. The fact that our DSOs can interact totally different is proof.

I have always said that people will only treat you as bad as you allow them to. That is why, being that all of this is new to me, I just CANNOT let this continue...depressed or not.

I don't think that there is an easily distinguishable line that separates which behavior is a cause of the D and which behavior is not.
I agree...but given that we had a great two years together, with no breaks...not even a THOUGHT of a break, I think this is caused by his D. Definitely. That doesn't mean though, to me, that it's ok with me, because bottom line is, it's not ok. My situation is a little different than most because my DF is three hours away half the week, every week Isn't that enough of a break? He knew from day 1 that I had to live here due to custody arrangements with my daughter, and that isn't negotiable. He agreed to move here. He agreed to work here. He asked me to marry me. We planned a wedding....and he backed out on every single one of these...and I have stood by his side this whole entire time...and now he wants a "break" from talking to me?

Now, I realize that these are all precursors to his depression, and could have caused this episode (he blames it all on the changes in his life that he had to make for me) but what about the things HE did to cause his D? How about the fact that HE decided to stop taking his meds 6 months ago? How about the fact that HE was smoking pot all the time? I have agreed to pull back so much and give him what he needs. He can't move here. Fine. He can't start a new job. Fine. He can't get married now. Fine. But to tell me that he wants an even BIGGER break is like a slap in the face to me, regardless of his depression. The fact that he has depression doesn't take away the way I feel. I am at the age and the point in our relationship that I am ready to move forward. I can take a few steps back, but I can't start from square 1.

I DO think that when in the situation someone can tell when they are being taken for a ride and when the D person genuinely just can not do something because of their D.

I agree wholeheartedly. I understood he couldnt move, start a new job, get married. But he says he loves me. He texted me twice yesterday that he loves me. I don't understand why he won't talk to me. I feel like he is just stringing me along.

I'm pretty sure it was always about him and nothing to do with me.
I agree with this. But I feel like Df is not living on an island either. This actions SHOULD and DO concern others. Although he is struggling, I am in his life. I do love him. He IS hurting me terribly.

In the end if we are together I want it to be what he wants, and if it isn't then I need to know that.
Me too. But I also feel like if he doesn't know by now, there is a good chance he never will. I don't want to be with somebody who questions whether he wants me.

Basically when he is around me he can't pretend he is ok, and I think sometimes that's a lot to handle for him
I never have asked him to be anything but himself around me. I have seen him at his absolute worst at this point. Why do they feel that they have to pretend they are OK around us? How do we know they are really pretending around others (The input from someone with D, Anne? Would be really helpful here.

He does want me around and feels like he needs me but he is so angry at the fact that he feels like he needs me, he gets these conflicted messages and they translate over to me when I let them.
I think this is very true. I even feel this way. I feel like I do need him...not in a clingy weird way, but in a healthy way. I love him. I love his face. I love his voice. I WANT him in my life. I need him as anyone needs friends or loved ones in their lives. I don't pressure him. I don't act a certain way around him. I just am. I wish he could do that too.

Also I think my DH pushes me away as a form of protecting me. I know he loves me, and in some way he knows what he is doing to me and feels guilty anbout it and he feels he has to save me
Df has told me this too. And I have made it clear to him that I am an adult. I am a single mom, who is confident and intelligent. If I feel his presence was harmful to my daughter or myself, I am independent and strong enough to make that decision. I think it is unfair, and almost insulting, that he is trying to make it for me.

He is used to get what he wants when he wants it.
This is interesting. Df is the same way. At 33 years of age his parents still baby him. His ex-girlfriend catered to his every whim, desire, want, and need. But I don't do that. I think that's something that attracts him to me, actually. Now I am wondering if he is just trying to see how far he can push me.

My problem is that I don't want things to be exactly the same. New rules...new conflict....

I hear you. I feel the exact same way. I think everything happens for a reason...maybe it's best we didn't get married, because this made me see things with a whole new set of eyes. I'm not so sure either that I want things to be exactly the same as they were.