I never have asked him to be anything but himself around me. I have seen him at his absolute worst at this point. Why do they feel that they have to pretend they are OK around us? How do we know they are really pretending around others
I don't think any of us has asked them to be anything but themselves. But when you aren't ok with who you are being yourself is hard. I know even for me personally it can be hard sometimes and I'm not the D one.

I think my Dh genuinely wants to be ok but isn't. Just like there have been times since this all started that I have been out with my girlfirends and they catch this look on my face. Kinda sad and they know that I am thinking about that last conversation with DH. They know there isn't anything they can do and they give me this look. And then I feel bad. I think great, who would want to be out with sad mopey Jen. I think it's kinda the same way for my DH but a lot worse. I'm sure when he says some things I get a concerened look and even if I don't say anything to him I'm sure he knows I'm thinking about how ok or not ok he is.

I guess I don't question that he isn't ok around others. It's hard because I am not there, and I hear about him from some of our mutual friends how he seemed fine. But you know they aren't as in tune with him as I am. They may not know the difference between the I'm faking it smile and the genuine thing. I have been in the company of DH and seen him fake it and honestly I always know when he is. I have even seen him turn it on and off at the door of friend's houses. And yes then people are like see everything was fine and I am always like yeah ok. And yes it pisses me off sometimes. But my T asked me a while back if I would truly like him to fake it around me and I was like no, I wouldn't, so I try andd not get mad at it. Honestly I think I get more frustrated at the people who are my friends but who see him and don't believe me that he is not ok.