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Posts: 3276
Feb 25 08 5:16 PM
First time my wife left, she came back from a two week vacation with her mother. She decided she wanted to return to her home town for a few more days to see relatives they missed and POOF, she called me one day to tell me she couldn't live at home anymore. I was the badman. I was the reason for her miserable life. She stayed away for about a month, and called me one evening to let me know she was coming home. We had a long conversation on the telephone before she did, but the conversation - although good - didn't remove any doubts in my heart. This was the time before she went to detox for all of the damned medications her neurologist (aka quack) prescribed. After detox, which was a terrible time for both of us, she returned home and approximately ten months passed before a small disagreement turned into: "Don't come home - or else." which involved a six week hiatus from home. I discussed issues in therapy. She discussed issues in therapy and with her pdoc. We both discussed issues in couples therapy. We worked it out, but still.....going home was with trepidation. She had things to deal with. I had things to deal with and the monster waited for another chance to jump from behind a door. Her irrational behavior was from a change in her medications. Here's what I learned: No matter what's said or done is without meaning if there is a problem with medications. They are a lifesaver when right. When wrong, you can't make heads or tails of anything. The greatest hurdle at this point is getting them back in order. You can't react with anger or judge. You have to be painfully patient and willing to work through these times. It's not anyone's fault and it's not something to wring your hands over. If you can, work with a knowledgable therapist that has a one on one with his pdoc. At this stage it's beyond personalities and issues. It's a medical problem that needs professionals with a good idea on how to progress. You have every right to be hesitant on allowing him home, although demands can be counterproductive. It's a fine line to tightrope on. You're dealing with a disorder that is forever, which requires you to forever deal with it. I can't explain how it all really comes down to you, but it does. If you are secure and focused on solutions, you can find them. If you are unwilling to be beat by the reactions you may face, you can win. His problems, although completely his, may require a unwavering self-focus of your own emotional health. Otherwise, you can't be angry over bizarre remarks or let your frustration control. Resentment is out of the question. It's like living life on an emotional cliff. If you can't bend with the wind, you'll break and fall.
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