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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Re: NEED>>>HELP>>>>>FAST
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Dec 1 08 9:36 PM
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Hey Lynne...now, I'm gonna say this...keep in mind, I'm a runner when it comes to relationships...
Why is it that we seem to get ourselves involved in the same kind of roller coaster relationships that we tried so desperately to leave. Is it familiarity? Is it comfortable? Is it exciting? Are we trying to resolve issues with our x with the new guy?
I'm dating someone that I can't wait to leave! GET THIS! He's nice, caring, understanding, trusting, doting, responsible, passionate, thinks everything I do is cute, is very attracted to me, we laugh and laugh when we are together, (I can keep going) ...you know, all the good stuff that we (you and I) supposedly want. And, I am sooooooo waiting for something bad to happen. I insist that it happens. I wait for it to happen. I keep thinking that he feels sorry for me or he's never had a woman in his life before and he somehow feels this is his last shot at love. He keeps telling me that this is how a real man acts when he likes a woman and is pursuing them. I am so suspicious of him that it's almost comical. He is not mentally ill, has a great career, a nice home, money, blah, blah, blah...there's really nothing wrong with him, per se. I'm still trying to find it, though. I WILL FIND IT! After all, I'm a world class saboteur.
Now, if I think about this rationally, I deserve a nice man that treats me with respect and would bend over backwards to make sure that we were happy. However, if I think about the all the "craziness" that I was immersed in and quite used to with XBPH, then I think...but, I do everything wrong, who wants me? This guy keeps telling me how wonderful I am, how I say all the right things and I keep trying to find the loophole in his logic. WTH???? I am my own worst enemy! I don't know what the hell I want and why I want it!!!
So, let me get this straight for myself and you tell me if you have ever thought about it for yourself. We don't want a guy that treats us like crap and keeps us wondering all the time, but we also don't want the guy who wants to treat us like a princess and let's us know exactly where he stands at all times. I just keep coming to the same conclusion. This wound in my (our) heart is sooooooooooooo not healed!!!!!
There's no way this guy can stick around until it is. But, you know what...I'm still so screwed up that I don't care if he leaves. It's easier to just let them go and not risk the pain. (Yeah...I'm a baby, I admit it...) But, even more scary is...I keep thinking that all this love coming my way and me not wanting it, is EXACTLY how XBPH said he felt about me. I loved him no matter what and he thought I was nuts. WHOOPS...what happened? Turnabout is fair play? DAMMIT!
I swear, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna get better and KNOW I deserve the same kind of love that I extend. Just not right now....sorry....can't do it, yet.
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