Bravo Lynne! ....cheers and clapping form the audience...

Trust/Self Esteem

My fallout problem is more about low confidence than trust...but both related in some ways. More likely to be wary of breach of trust in another when self esteem damaged, I think.

Ange wrote: "TRUSTING in a new relationship is the hardest thing when you have been let down.. or cheated on in past relationships...
and I think once in the new relationship thats when we really get to understand what parts of US we havnt worked on properly... what parts of US we havnt healed yet...
Sometimes our self esteem gets sooo damaged... so bruised ... takes a lot of time .. lot of work to mend."

So...
All the guys I have met on dating site.. have mostly been nice guys... some very nice. Had three dates each with the three nicest ones. You know the rest about phones and toolboxes.

Well there is one other ... I met him 18 months ago... had we had one lovely lunch date. I was instantly smitten... knocked sideways really... but it was too soon after breakup with bpbf, and I didn't handle it well. Also, I was the first person he had met online.... so timing wasn't ideal for either of us.

Then my mother died and I was so devastated by that (and looked DREADful). He was very kind and took me out for coffee twice after that to cheer me up. I didn't cry about my mum or anything.. but I wasn't myself ... was subdued and very self conscious about puffy eyes etc. We were both very much in platonic mode at that difficult time when I was so grief stricken.

Well we have kept in touch by phone, on and off since then, and neither of us have met anyone special.

Now Daisy's analogy about watching for buses and missing the limo has prompted me to phone him. Had a nice chat tonight and he has invited me out for a pre Christmas drink. This would be date 4! Yikes! I don't do date 4! Well, not exactly a definite date, but he said he will phone me about it this week or next, to set a day and time. His idea.
SO DAISY IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

So here's the problem... I am in a state of dread, fear and anxiety.. I have gained 13lbs since i last saw him 14 months ago! And I have to remember how to be warm and a tinsy bit flirty... instead of my usual way of hiding behind aloofness/reserve. I feel like a silly school girl, being so scared. Basically I'm so sure he will reject me I'm already trying to think of ways to postpone the date for another 3 months or so.
I wasn't as bad as this in the past, until 2yrs ago when on roller-coaster with bpbf.

And here's the question... I think I can risk this.... but if I am so scared now.. does that mean i am still too insecure? Insecurity is was my downfall last time.. so is it possible to tell if you are secure "enough" without actually putting to the test with a real-live-nice-normal-man.? I know I can be very happy being single... will be ok and happy if single all my life... and thought that was the test.. and that I had passed it with flying colors. But if so, why so petrified about this date?