Welcome Turtle
I am sorry you are in this fix.
Truly am...I was in a similar fix in my thirties. Knew I shouldn't have married the SOB when I did. But, did anyway, my Self esteem had been burnt to a cinder the year prior just dating him...it took me 11 years to get unstuck. You gonna wait that long?????????
You gonna wait till your self esteem is town the toilet bowl? He is a bonafide effing idiot...your husband. I don't care if he has ADD and depression...so do I...i do not call my bf a f....bast..... I call him my HONEY. He makes dinner, I thank him. He is taking the dogs out for a walk right now...so I do not have to wipe up pee on floor. I find things he likes, I get them and surprise him. He is a former drinker, and has to watch that. I know this...

Yours is an abuser...and probably always will be. There is no excuse for the way he behaves, and you are just making excuses for him. Yes drugs do cause problems, so he shouldn't use them. And by letting him get away with not working you are enabling him big time.
You two are the perfect enabler/ user couple. He will continue to use and abuse and expect you to work your life into the ground for him, wait on him, and be belittled by him all the while you are with him. No amount of Anti depressant or ADD med will change 40 years of habits.
To do so he would have to:
Stop Pot
drinking
go back to work and stay working
split the expenses, his and yours and ours
he would have to have intense therapy and behavior therapy to change his behavior towards you
be on medication, that works for him, for years
before any of this can happen....

Do you REALLY see this happening?????????

YOur therapist was right on the money....

How long are you going to waste your years being with someone who treats you this way?
Who calls you names...who does nothing to honor your marriage...nothing to honor YOU.

By the way I tend to be BLUNt, sorry if that stings...however...WTF when someone is in this dire a relationship...unless those once in a six month period when he is 'nice' to you is enough...and you want to feed off of that twice a year good feeling...while he feeds off of you....like a bacteria...I just don't know...tell me
What would you tell someone if you were to reread your own post and think it were mine?????????????

I Became Insane
With Horrible
Intervals of Sanity

E.A. Poe