Fuffy, thanks for replying. having people to relate to- really is an amazing feeling. I admire how strong you are... for your family and for yourself, and I understand the love that your strength comes from. I would like to think I'm that strong too, but honestly I don't think I'll be getting a second chance, or any understanding with my dxbf. I think coupling the long distance with his stubbornness, he won't come back to me, and just in the last few days the concept of his "disappearing for good" with no signs of life, is starting to sink in. Anne's book helped me a lot to not feel guilty and know there isn't much I can do... and after the hurtful things he's said, and the months of silence he's made me endure, I guess I'm finally really losing hope in the real person I loved...