Sorry you had joined this surrealistic club. I had a 12 year relationship with "the most kind, loving, considerate etc..." man in the world. After his sister died, he started to go dead inside - I stopped being supportive after a year of the typical "depression bizarreness" ie not calling for days, or telling me in a casually way that he didn't think he loved me any more and that it wasn't anything I did but how he felt inside. Then he would tell me how he woke up in the middle of the night crying and thinking about just running away with me. Running where? I would ask - we have a settled life here. Plus he also suddenly became totally absorbed in work, so much so that if I would call him he would rush me off the phone because of a meeting. I'm sure parts of this sound familar. I ended it when he felt that he was over his depression, didn't have time to go the p-doc for a follow up evaluation and that he realized that I was not the love of his life and he had to have freedom and explore the world. I said, "that's cool - have a good trip." and he hasn't called since.

Now let me explain the confusion in my mind and probably in yours - on one level you read material from this board and Anne's book and you think it is an illness and he is not in his right mind so you can't take it personal. But then you talk to friends or just have a conversation in your head and you feel that you have been blown off. He fell out of love with you, maybe met someone more exciting and that somehow you are to blame. My confusion is how do you distinguish between someone not caring anymore because of depression and someone legitmately falling out of love. For some reason I could live with loosing him to depression but it's harder for me to accept that he just fell out of love. After him I feel I could never trust anyone again. He was perfect for so long and now this. It's unbeliveable and scary.