HI and Welcome..
Its really hard to know how to help kids in this situation...
I always approach everything with honesty... and I think that works really well with kids.. no matter the age..

Im sure your kids know alot about your DSOs behaviour and Im sure they do their own eggshell dance with regards to their mum.

I dont know if they are young for their age or mature for their age.. only you know that .. and only you know what they can understand and handle.. as for reading Annes book... I think maybe it might be better to perhaps copy out parts for them to read that are really relevant to them.

In my area where I live.. I found it really hard to find any counsellors that had experience in a marriage breakdowns that came directly from mental health issues... there wernt any with that experience..
I did find a psychologist that was able to help ME deal with the issues that came from my experience with my exbph.

Give your kids the info you think they can handle.. talk to them.. as honestly as possible .. without making their mum look bad.. its an illness.. and should be treated and talked about as such in my opinion..
IF she had cancer or some other illness there would be issues and talks that would have to be had with the kids etc..

Its hard for anyone to understand mental health issues..let alone kids.. so thats why I say.. just tell them what you think they can understand.. and each few months.. as they get older .. give them a bit more info.. talk a bit more..
I think talking openly as a family is a must.. BUT .. I do understand that the person who is the sufferer can sometimes find that very hard ..
especially when its ABOUT THEM!

Ange

Take  what  you  need . . .  leave  the  rest .Blue_butterfly