As far as apologies go, another thing that my husband does now, is to tell them what he plans to do next time to better control himself. Obviously, he has to separate himself from the situation and try to evaluate things...understand why he had the anger and figure out how to better control it the next time. Recently after an outburst, he told them next time he would leave the house and take a walk to help himself calm down. Also, he has also asked them to leave the room and let him be until he calms down. In the past, he would yell or completely withdraw and not interact with any of us. He is trying to become an active member of the family again. I have told my dh that sure an apology is great, but it is important not to make the same mistake again. He is trying to find coping strategies. He and I both also tell the kids how they can best help with his strategies (such as just leaving the room.) We do not ask them to change their behavior (such as loud singing or silliness) for him, but sometimes to just do it in another part of the house.