Oh, yeah!! I am most often the target. And it could be anything. Similar to the excerpt in DF on page 5, "playing one huge game……".

Before I new it was D, I would react. I would take it personally. I would defend myself and fight back. The more I fought back the worse it would get. If I didn't back off, it would escalate. Eventually I became lost. How, did we get like this? Where is the wife I knew? I miss her and I want her back!!!

I now see it for what it is, well most of the time. It's like she has an irritation that is so overwhelming, she doesn't know where to put it. So, the nearest place to put it becomes me. I have learned to recognize it and put up a boundary. I will say to her, "I understand that you are frustrated, but can we take a moment? I really want to [finish making dinner]. Can we talk about it later? This usually buys time for us to get to a better place where I can ask her about how she feels. She will then typically open up about the irritation and it makes her feel better.

One BIG thing you have to do, which is really tough is to come to grips with the fact that they aren't coming back! The want inside you will not help. This is now. You have to take this approach so that you don't drive yourself nuts chasing something that isn't there. There is a comfort gained by accepting what is.

What do you mean by "I use to be able to just deal with it"? What did you do to deal with it then?

I am still trying to find the right counselor.