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Posts: 3276
May 6 09 2:12 PM
I don't have any children, so any advice would be second hand. I do have my life experiences for reference. Dealing with my mother during her depression and alcohol abuse was a learning experience steered by reactions. It was confusing, saddening, and sometimes frightening when she would go off on a tangent. I knew there was something wrong, but had absolutely no resources for dealing with her problems, which ultimately became my own. I think it all would have been easier if I had known what I was dealing with. While my father was a positive influence, he wasn't always there and I would feel terribly alone when I would have to deal with things that were beyond my comprehension.
I'd say your children are far more aware of what's going on than what you think. I think it's important that they understand there is an emotional disorder to deal with, whatever it may be, and that they need resources to develop healthy ways to cope. They can easily be drawn to different sides, which can lead to guilt or anxiety. Preventing this, IMO, is important and being frank about the symptoms will probably help them to understand they should never feel responsible for the disorder, or attempt to find reasons for what happens. You can't isolate them from your wife's depression, but you can insulate them from the fallout.
If there was no other source for coping, I'd steer my children (If I had any. Remember this is all philosophical) to Alanon, or another source of positive help for family members. While depression is unique, the skills needed to cope with the sometimes bizarre effects of substances are also useful when dealing with depression. Have you looked for a local support group through NAMI, or DBSA? Many cities have groups that meet regularly and involve the entire family. There are links on the main web site.
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