You need to feel comfortable in your heart that you did everything you could and that anything more just works against you. I haven't spoken to my DSO for three months. In the last conversation he told me I wasn't the love of his life and that he needed his freedom. - totally out of character from a man who called me 10 times a day to share eveything with me for 12 years! I had it. I had spent the last year reading books on cognitive therapy (by Beck) on treating depression, researching drugs and p-docs, spending hours talking to him and dancing around his lack of emotional availability. I guess I reached a point where the pain of the relationship out weighed the pleasure. So I had to cut him off - or should I say I stopped chasing him because in reality he cut me off. So I changed my cell phone number and am moving forward. But I am very comforable with my decision and believe I did all I could. I was just driving him further away. I am really not sure what happens next to him but I have to worry about myself - since noone else is. But even if he called me and wanted to get back in my life - the playing field has changed. I could never see him the same way again - knowing that d could suddenly surface and I would have to go through this ordeal again. Just read the post of the married couples with children who have lived with this condition for years. Also you mentioned about having a friendship with your DSO- is that really possible? I know I couldn't do it. I would still be searching for the person he used to be.