I went to the therapist. I really wanted to know if verbal abuse and anger and unreasonable behavior can be attributed to depression.
The therapist advertised to have a great deal of experience with depression.

My H was raised in a home with some chaos with his dad verbally abusing his mom. At other times he bought her things and was obviously good to her. Rollercoaster.

The therapist feels my H's bad behavior is more likely a result of his upbringing (though I saw none of it 'til after D was diagnosed). Therapist feels that since H is on antiD it is not the D. H refuses therapy.

The chaos and ugliness will be a repeating part of my life until I will deal with it no more. I feel better actually - deciding to believe why he gets nasty. I feel sad for him. I was raised so kindly. I feel guilty about not wanting to do this any more. My daughter recently said, "You know Dad can be a jerk. You have put up with a lot but I think he would die without you." (sigh)