To chime in...

I know that my husband knows it upsets me. I decided (again recently it seems unfortunately) that I was not willing to pretend that I was okay with everything, that what he does upsets me and that I don't like it. However, I also told him that I would still be here, that it wasn't going to scare me off, that if he needed to do something (this time it is go and stay at his friend's apartment to "be alone and think") then I would support that decision. I wasn't about to keep walking on eggshells and pretend nothing was wrong though. It has helped me a little (still reeling a bit from realizing we are back where we were a couple years ago) but it isn't easy that's for sure.

Husband doesn't understand why I am still here, why I haven't left him already. He has apologized for putting me through what I've been through. Well, no, "putting me through" isn't the right words...dragging me through it along with him I think is more accurate. I'm here to help him any way I can, but I refuse to be a doormat or someone to blame for the problems anymore. Or at least I keep telling myself that...it's hard to remember sometimes...