Shattered,

No, I do not think my husband blames me for the issue with his parents.  He has enough blame for both of them.  I have tried to stay out of it.  My husband was having problems with his parents, his job and at home.  But now his parents act like it is only a marriage problem.   They are so afraid that my husband with "write them off".  The thing is, they taught him that behavior with how they treated their parents (my husband's grandparents).  There is a lot of with holding love in his family....from the grandparents, from the kids, it is all really sad.   So now they are afraid my husband will do it to them, and really he already has.   My in laws are too afraid of addressing my husband and his issues.

My husband told me at one point that he shared with his counselor (he only went for a short time) that he worried about his mom ALL the time.  She has major depression, used to drink (not doing that anymore after a nasty fall down the stairs and broken bones).  My husband calls her crazy or insane.  She is not, just depressed and attention seeking.  My point is that he shows anger towards her ALL the time, but he told the counselor that he worries about her so much.   So he has love in him, but he doesn't know how to express it....it comes out as anger, probably because he is not getting something that he wants.   But he is not satisfied most of the time.

Looking back I wish I could have understood the whole thing better.  But I realize that it doesn't matter how clear I see it.....my husband would have to want to address his negative thoughts and feelings.  His emotions are not regulated very well.   I believe it got worse over time.  He wasn't like this when we were in college.  It is just sad to see him struggle with being happy....not knowing how to make himself happy. 

Mindfulness....so important.  Even with eating....thinking about what you are putting into your body before you eat it just to make yourself happy in that instant.  My husband would always say "I'm going to eat clean/healthy", then eat something really horrible like a bunch of fried food.  Of course, then he would be mad at himself. 

I am babbling.

My problem is that I still want to believe in my husband....I want to believe that he doesn't WANT to feel this way.  That he is hurting really bad on the inside and that he can begin to realize that it doesn't  have to be this way....he doesn't have to be angry all the time.  That he can find the positive attributes in his mom and highlight them.  That he can learn to not be so negative.  But mostly I would love for him to realize that having a partner in life is a wonderful thing.  That being loved feels good.  And that you have to give love to get love.