A little update:

I wrote a letter apologizing and explaining the steps I was taking to address the issues that I have that have contributed to some of our problems. In retrospect, I was probably a bit hard on myself, but I don't think I wrote anything that wasn't truthful.

Told DH that I would be going into a no-contact mode and would only text/IM/call him if it was important and/or had to do with something with our daughters. He's been asking for space, and I've been doing everything but giving it to him lately, but not really seeing what I was doing. I also said that if he chose to spend his nights at his place on campus, that was fine. Honestly, that is as much for me as it is for him. A lot of what was in that letter was, but I tried to word it so that it wasn't all about me but that I was doing what I was doing for him and for us even though I know it's as much for me too. After my episode Tuesday night I came to a realization that I had the 37 year-old equivalent to a temper-tantrum. I didn't feel like I was getting any attention so I engaged in behaviors that would get me attention, even though it was not the kind of attention I was after...attention is attention after all...

I was surprised when he told me last night (he was sitting the girls and made dinner since wed. night is my zumba night) that I was too hard on myself. We talked about buying a house, something he has a strong aversion to but something I (and our girls) desperately need. He said he had come to terms with the need for a house and was okay with it. He even said that he had an appointment with his pdoc (don't know if it was a regularly standing one to review meds or if he made it recently) in a few weeks. It was so strange. I'm not entirely sure what happened. I don't know if it's all an act (don't think so) or if he's recognizing what is truly going on and realizes he needs to address his issues again with his therapist. He said that he was willing to do what we needed to to get through all of this. Right now I'm not pushing it or asking any more questions because I don't want to screw the possibility that things might finally be headed in a good direction for him and for us.

So I'm hopeful, and optomistic, but still a realist. Things could change tomorrow. For now I'm trying to really focus back on me (because I really wasn't even though I thought I was) and let DH take care of himself. I have an appointment on the 28th with a PDoc here in town...my first ever so I am nervous, anxious, excited, and a bunch of other emotions about that...lol.

Keeping my fingers crossed and doing what I need to do for myself to feel better is my current course of action.