hi Jenn...
first up your definetely not an idiot.. so put all thoughts like that ... right out of your mind!

When we get cheated on it does more than just hurt our feelings and make us feel rejected..
it breaks all Trust... and no matter how 'good' our own mental health... the little voice inside our head keeps reminding us of what the person did to hurt us.

I must just put in here.. that please do be careful and protect yourself if/when your having sex with him..
until you can totally trust him .. you do not want or need to put yourself at risk for STDs etc..
thats probably the last thing you want to hear right now... but its IMPORTANT!
(and I know.. how do you say to your husband... no sex without a condom after youve been married and got kids etc.. but there are consequences to his actions and that really does have to be one of them if you cannot trust him right now .. and also if you both havnt been tested after his cheating before)

dealing with a DSO is hard enough without having cheating issues as well.
My exbph cheated with three different women in the last three yrs of our marriage.... LOVED each one of them .. even if only for a week or two ..

his cheating really did a job on my self esteem... and made dealing with his mental health issues even harder...

I believe cheating when someone is suffering depression or bipolar is about their own self esteem ..and the NEED to FEEL..
to feel the rush .. (and new love/relationships do help release feel good endorphins in the brain ... so in turn helps the depressed person feel less depressed... temporarily) ... when someone cheats.. its not about US .. its about THEM.. and their needs... so as hard as it is... we really do have to remind ourselves of that... over and over until we believe it.

I hope you can get yourself to a counsellor asap... to get some help one on one.. and get some assistance with coping stratergies.

stay strong
Ange

Take  what  you  need . . .  leave  the  rest .Blue_butterfly