Oh dear.

Lets look at your history - you've been together 15 years. You know how to communicate with him when he's D: Cruz, you can work through this one if you want to, I am sure.

What about speaking with H about the two of you speaking with the pdoc? If he refuses, what about speaking with the pdoc directly? Violent is not OK, and I'm sure (I hope) it's not a state that your DH wants to be experiencing either.

XO