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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Re: Depression and infidelity
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Jenn
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Nov 30 10 2:50 AM
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Wow, thank you all so much!
I guess divorce is the chicken way out - but I've always stuck by him. I guess I am questioning continuing to do so because the bad times are so painful. I have been really confused because nowhere in Anne's book does it really address infidelity and depression. I love him and have never been able to imagine life without him. I say I can't put myself out there again, but I don't necessarily believe it.
When we talk about his decisions around the time he met "her" - he says looking back on it he has no idea what he was doing and why. I'm glad I caught it quickly before anything really happened.
Things just keep getting more bizarre though, I think the depression is causing him to be extremely irrational - he can't think clearly AT ALL. He told me the other day that when we were in the USA for the summer and he went in for his physical - the dr. diagnosed him with Chlamydia - even though he had no symptoms and NEVER RAN A TEST, just gave him antibiotics. DH was acting so strange this summer and now I know why. He thought I had given it to him! (???) Yet, he never spoke to me about it! When we returned overseas, he saw a dr. here and told him what happened, he ran a blood test - I know nothing about STD's really but I guess if you have had chlamydia in the past there is a test that will identify it. I've seen the medical report, he never had it to begin with, blood tests confirmed it. BUT - he has been so paranoid (HYPOCHONDRIAC) he has self treated himself with antibiotics twice since the negative blood test. I found an empty antibiotic box (here you can buy anything at the pharmacy w/o rx) and asked him about it. After we were together, he would feel nondiscript "symptoms" and convinced himself the test was wrong and treated himself. He has taken antibiotics for "chlamydia" four times - twice self treating! He's never had it, I've never cheated and he says he's hasn't had sex with anyone else. (not since the prostitute, and yes, we were both thoroughly tested after that)
He's in such an uproar, he has a nasty case of shingles and is in agonizing pain, the rash is terrible. From what I've read, emotional stress and compromised immune system (not an issue for him) are the key factors in developing shingles. My husband is so worked up emotionally he gave himself shingles. He CONSTANTLY looks up health conditions on the internet and last week was convinced he had skin cancer - while I was looking at his "suspicious spot" I found the beginning of shingles on his back. Seriously, one week, he looked up 15 different medical conditions trying to diagnose himself for multiple issues he was having.
I am struggling with being sympathetic and supportive because of my anger, I don't want to push it down - but when I let it bubble over he suffers even more. Where is the balance here? Clearly he is severely emotionally disturbed and deeply depressed right now.
As for meds- silly me - I ordered him some books on depression on the internet, I thought it was a good place to start since he's never been into tx. Excellent - I bought a book that talks about self-coaching and is essentially anti-meds. That said DH says he's willing to explore meds but hasn't yet. I found out that the psychologist he is seeing uses CBT. I also found out DH hasn't told the psychologist anything about what is currently going on. I haven't asked many questions about what's happening in tx, I'm just allowing him to share what he wants, but I'm frustrated he hasn't mentioned anything about cheating and his numerous health "concerns."
While I'm at it - on 12/2 it will be the two year anniversary of my father's passing. I haven't had time to think much about it, but my body is remembering and I'm having dreams. I can't even mourn right now because it's not a convenient time since, for our kids sake, we can't BOTH be down at once.
He's still in the guest room and he's staying there for now. I have an appt. next week and plan to have a full STD panel run - and have asked him to do the same. Oddly enough I believe in my gut he hasn't had sex with anyone else, but that isn't going to stop me from making sure I'm healthy and that he is too.
Thank you all so much for listening. I plan to dig into the message board more and hope to become an active contributor. I'm dying over here and want to give back the support you all are giving me.
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