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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Re: Depression and infidelity
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Jenn
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Dec 1 10 6:39 PM
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At first and for years, the porn wasn't a huge issue. I bought him a Playboy subscription when we first got together and we used to rent DVD's together, visit the shops together etc. He started looking at it all the time and was definitely hiding it from me, over time it became a bigger and bigger issue. I've never been someone to turn anything down, I've been very open sexually and have become even more interested the older I've gotten. But it did become a huge issue, it was about secrets and lies, he stopped being honest about it. Nevertheless, we continued to try and use it together but his private use just got more extreme. I said enough, and started to research it and feel strongly that he has an addiction to porn, it's seems beyond innocent looking, and there was the time with the prostitute. The clencher for me was when I'd gone out to walk the dog one night after putting the kids to bed. I forgot something at home and went back a few minutes later. He was on the computer (which was in the middle of the living room) and beginning to masterbate. I saw our then five-year-old daughter doing something very normal for her, which was creeping around the living room trying to be undetected. I said "what are you doing?" and our daughter popped up, my husband quickly removed his hand and I had a huge reality check, as did he I think.
The porn is such an issue because over the years he decided it was more important, it was/is one of his ways of escaping his depression, slipping into fantasy land. It doesn't have anything to do with me, I know that, but using it in front of our kids (I've caught him since that incident using it but not masterbating to it) with our kids five feet away. It's sickening really. He uses his work computer as well, which could easily get him fired if he gets caught, he works for a big company with zero tolerance for that sort of thing. Once we had our daughter I told him I didn't want it in the house for fear of our kids finding it. Once I found a huge collection stashed in our daughter's bedroom closet, not a great hiding spot when you have kids. He has no boundaries with it. The thought of him exposing our kids to it scares me. That's how he learned about sex, his dad never had the talk with him, instead, he learned about sex from a Penthouse magazine, in a tent, at a boyscout outing. I understand his hang up and the history behind it, but he's literally willing to risk way too much for it.
Roxy- I've looked at porn on my own too - I actually, personally kind of like the added "energy" it can bring (I know I sound like a massive hypocrite) but I'm not willing to risk our family's livelihood (job) for it, or risk our kids finding it, and it isn't something I have done for a long time, especially given what an issue it has become in our house.
I'm glad I can safely put all this out there, all of these details just eat me alive.
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