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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Contact! I'm Exhausted, and a Little Concerned.
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Re: Contact! I'm Exhausted, and a Little Concerned.
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Optimistic1
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Dec 11 10 10:07 AM
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So last night, we had a chat about feelings.
He disclosed during our conversation that he had thought of other women sexually since we parted ways.
Considering he has difficulty with intimate friendships / relationships, and ours was / is / has the potential to be incredibly intimate, and has opened him up and freed him in so many ways, how he can not see that the variable here is ME and US, to my mind is irrational. And of course, it's the rabbit hole, if I try to convince him his irrationality is in fact that.
He also seems to have put a very high emphasis on the sexual aspect of our relationship, which to sum up in one adjective would be, "profound". That as extraordinary as the sex was, that perhaps it's more ordinary, and it was something inside himself and me that was ripe for a profound connection (on every level imaginable) - basically, I gleaned that to him, we're not that important, because there's an interchangeability in his view. That it's commonplace to describe sex as, "transcendent", and maybe he / we could find something of even greater connection! Sex for him prior to me was with people who were very repressed, so I think he thinks now that extraordinary is just because he lacked experience. Yes, well, I'm plenty experienced, and I think he is completely out of his mind!
Because the sex wasn't about the sex at all - it was about an expression of two people who as a function of themselves loved the other one completely; effortlessly.
He seems to think that he could find something similar - we had tremendous rapport while the D was suppressed due to beginning of relationship or whatever - with someone else. I know I won't. I know I'll have other beautiful, loving (emotionally stable!) relationships, but not that relating and loving on every level imaginable.
I think he's a fool. I feel somewhat objectified, and our relationship devalued in terms of me and us being interchangeable!
He said that what we had was ideal, so long as it didn't get into a "tangle" as he put it. Yet, he doesn't want to see me over the holidays. He said, "Who knows, I could change my mind and be on your doorstep tomorrow!"
And at the end of the conversation, he blew me a kiss; that's the way Skype has ended the last two times we spoke.
My neighbour points out that me sitting around waiting for a positive e-mail from him is just not enough, and my neighbour will know I'm doing better when I'm done with exDBF
Yes, well,
I think
that he doesn't deserve ME - or US.
I was reading this, this AM:
http://www.padfield.com/1998/pearls.html
I'm don't agree with all of it, but there is a lot of health here:
"Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces" (Matt. 7:6)."
"How can we tell when it is time to "give up" on someone and turn to other fields? It should be after we have taught, prayed and exercised all longsuffering -- but remember that even the longsuffering of God has limits (cf. 1 Pet. 3:20)."
I guess my question for today, to myself, and also to you, what does it mean in practical terms when I realize he doesn't deserve me or us? What does our relationship look like then? Distant replies / rare replies from me? Lack of initiating contact from me? Some explanation at some point for my change in viewpoint from me? A quiet fading off of, "Goodbye", with the whimper not the bang? D=1 US = 0
Best wishes,
Last Edited By:
Optimistic1
Dec 11 10 10:49 AM. Edited 10 times.
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