Jp,

I wouldn't postpone it. As you note, just because you ask for something via the courts doesn't mean you will receive it. You're not punishing her; you're providing a healthy zone for yourself and your sons.

The only reason she has started therapy (perhaps) is because you didn't back down from your (healthy) position. The only reason she has to continue with therapy is because there are natural consequences to quitting.

My wife has been unofficially diagnosed as having Axis II PD, closest to BPD.

She's changed her behavior significantly short-term, though still regresses. She was emotionally dysregulated on Friday when she read my lawyer's proposal to postpone if she agreed to move out temporarily & have rent paid from community funds & get estimated spousal support for a month. But she kept it away from the children.

We're talking about an agreement in which she commits to DBT, agrees to keep the environment at home calm and sane for the children, etc. In return I postpone the court action for 30 days and we see what happens.


You know what will happen. She will continue to press for you to give way more and more ground; in return, her PD will never loosen its grip on her and your lives. It may not regardless of what she does--but you really do have to hold firm now. There is no bargaining with a PD. None. There is no leeway at this time. Because if you go to picket fence boundaries now, you will soon have a bulldozer in your garden. High stone walls. Porticullis. Moat--preferably with a hungry alligator.

She wants to rush through the process, or skip over the big ugly hard parts. This is a marathon and she's barely gotten off of the line but she wants the rewards that are given out at the finish line. I wouldn't give her a completion buckle. She hasn't earned it. (A completion buckle is what you get for completing an endurance ride within the time allotted--I don't have any first-hand knowledge of what marathon runners get. Besides cramps!)

Best wishes to you all.