Thanks all -- wife has been texting me all afternoon, asking to talk with me. Police couldn't find her and basically gave up, told me to call them again if she started making concerning statements again. (In passing, I note that after ~2 years of using a phone with a keyboard, and telling me she can't figure out how to type on it, when I am simply not answering her phone calls, she has suddenly magically acquired the ability to send texts from her phone.)

She also sent me a long email starting with "I love you" with rationally constructed sentences and details about what is bothering her. Which makes it very hard to ignore. I am going to call her soon (email is contraindicated for legal reasons, which sucks).

Yesterday I didn't mention that she brought up some very weird stuff. She thought that my lawyer is "trying to break us up". She said that I was "flirting" with my lawyer, and that she bet I didn't want to put my wedding ring back on because I wanted to "flirt with other women", and then this moved on to her saying that I wanted to stay at a separate apartment, with our kids, in order to have sex with some other woman. She's not really giving up on the lawyer thing today either, just backing off from actually saying crazy things. To me this sounds like classic BPD abandonment paranoia. Plus projection (she's the one self-admittedly flirting with other men).

I want to tell her that reconciliation is possible but first she needs to work on these issues (we need to work on our separate issues is the polite way to say this) and only after we see sustained and consistent improvement should we try to move forward on any reconciliation plans.