It's a good question; I ask myself that every day. I should clarify that I'm willing to wait while she works on her issues and see if she gets to a point where we can start reconciliation. That's one of the big difficult discussions, because she wants to start reconciliation efforts now. But still rejecting joint therapy... I'm just ignoring that for now, the way I ended up ignoring the demand to pay for her DBT. I think studied ignorage is a critical skill to develop here.

It's still moderately early in the process, in particular it's been about 18 months since I recognized that something was Just Not Right and started seriously devoting time and effort to trying to deal with it, as opposed to devoting time and effort to trying to minimize or deny that we had a problem. And my wife has never seriously tried therapy since I've known her (over 15 years) so she is doing something genuinely new at least. I definitely feel that I should give it a chance.

At the same time, my wife does need to change her behavior in the short term pretty significantly for me to be able to stick around. I don't know if this is possible for her.