profplum

I too am a "fixer" by nature...and it is difficult to stay and not fix things
You try and have "the conversation"....looking for the perfect combination of words that will suddenly "click" in their head and get them to see what seems so painfully obvious to us
They tell you it is ABC making them uspet so you work to fix ABC and rather than have them be happy ABC was fixed, they start focusing on how DEF is making them happy, so you then go to DEF and attempt to fix that and they have neither noticed the effort or the outcome of you fixing ABCDEF because they are already complaining about GHI...and you can go through the alphabet thinking eventually they will run out of things that are an issue...and that is when AA,BB,CC,DD start being an issue

I made the decision...I realized I could not fix this....I didn't cause it and I couldn't fix it

I realized I couldn't talk to her to get her to fix it...after all that would involve having a rational conversation with an irrational person and we have learned on this site that is impossible

I realized I could not trust in her to do what needed to be done to fix things....her own nature, attitudes against counseling, refusal to follow medical advice and stay on meds on pretty much anything, etc. No behavior or personality traits of someone who susccessfuly can battle depression

So I too face the dilemma of whether to continue to be a passenger in my own life, waiting for something that may never come because of the love I felt and the promise I made to someone that seemingly no longer existed.

And I could not do it because for me, I felt the wait would have no end

You have to figure out for yourself...how long are you willing to wait for things to change? And more importantly, if this is it...this is all you can expect til death do you part....your wife not putting in the work needed to improve things so things most likely never improving...can you accept that and live with it?