Prof Plum, you're in a no-win situation. But really, if she is that upset about it, she has to do something about it, instead of asking you to do so. You are not responsible for meeting her desires and wishes. Next thing she'll ask is for you to go out and find her a job/friends/the moon. She is not taking responsibility for her life.

Like many of us here, if our spouses won't admit they need help, nothing will change. In the meantime, we have to put up with their rubbish until we reach a point where we just don't want to take it anymore. You may not be there yet, but the fact you're here on the board and expressing your frustration suggests you are on your way.