Thanks Belsize, I think you are bang on. He freaks out when I try to ask him about us, or gives me the standard "i don't know" answer. As much as I can understand where he is coming from, it still rips me apart. I also can see how the relationship puts pressure on him, even though I don't really ask for much, he does speak of feeling bad for not being able to give me what i deserve.

Thanks Sooper, after so long of putting someone else first, I find it very difficult to look at my needs now. I sit hear wondering to myself, "is lying worth breaking up over? is that acceptable if he hasn't done anything and they're just talking? " I should know the answers to these questions, I should know what I can and can not accept, as they are MY boundaries, but I don't even know what to think anymore. I keep trying to empathize with him, trying to makes excuses for him, to put things in context to justify his behavior, because I know the man deep down. He is a good man.
I just know that this situation has caused me days of anxiety now. Perhaps that is a strong enough sign as to how I feel.

I pivot between points of calm/clarity to moments of anxiety. I am trying to learn to let go. Let go of control, learning to surrender. Whatever, right??

Thanks Vin, I think i understand what you mean for the most part. I think you are right in that, it is time to take a risk and just... see what happens if we let go.