Andi, I think you've got it. From my own expereince, in D, my H needs praises and empathy and thanks a lot, just like med for him. He felt relieved when he got those. Since he was already overloaded by his own negative thoughts, and probably blaming himself and struggling, if I can offload him a bit by telling him what he had done good, apprieciate his efforts etc., he felt better. Yet I need to be in very good status can I put aside my own emotion and reaction and care for him first. If I go on arguing or asking for his caring for me he simply can't and turn out he retreated and got angry. I think it was very hard for me to have done that for months, but with the help of the team, I could now express myself too when his d got better. So, do continue to take care of yourself : ) find a lot of people to empathize with you and listen to you when he cannot perform that part. Sometimes I'll imagine my H got cancer and lied on the bed, I would not require him to help me clean up the house. Same, when he had 'a cancer in emotion', I better not require him to give support and empathy to me, even though I need it so much. I will get some from other source first, and give him support instead. I don't know if I expressed well enough. Hope you find your way and again, getting a lot and a lot of support yourself is very important, and when you feel that you can't endure, that is perfectly normal, 'coz it is really very tough for everyone - give support out to the one who is hurting you, give out love when oneself desperately needs it. A very tough journey, so I am not sure if it is the true path, but I walked through it this way and just share my experience with you. Wish you all the best

Last Edited By: WantPeace Jan 12 13 7:16 AM. Edited 2 times.