proptart wrote:
I don't know about the rest of the women on this site, but I'm not always strong. Trust me, I have my days,But what I'm starting to get smarter about it....I'm in love with a memory. I don't even recognize my husband any more. His attempt to be a stranger with me, for him to "be left alone" is starting to work. I'm doing the work of understanding his illness, reading books, giving him his space, .....but then there's the flip side of me no longer having a husband who is willing to even consider our marriage, who runs away, who's secretive and argumentative and treats like me i shot his grandmother or something.

And I'm falling on the cross trying to understand someone who treats me with complete and utter contempt?

Tough to do.

What i am finding the hardest to get my head round is that when DSO and i were in each others company,he NEVER once snapped at me or lost his rag,and he has never blamed me for any of this,he was always the most lovely ,patient,thoughtful guy i have ever met.There were several times when i really needed him and he was there for me.We were fine the day before he broke it off,spoke on the phone/texted.I just can't get my head round this
Some of you girls say that being with someone depressed totally took away your self esteem,but since i met him my self esteem was through the roof,literally,no-one has ever made me feel the way he does,and never will.The only times i felt anxious was when he didn't reply to some texts and i didn't know what he was thinking,which in turn affected my sleeping pattern.