Hello "no way"!!! I'm not sure. Maybe it has something to do with it being just sex as opposed to making love to the person herself?? I think you need to remember why you fell in love with her the first time. Maybe she has changed because of your D. If you are yourself again, then maybe she can let down her guard. Us fallouters do look learn to be guarded to avoid the hurt. It makes us harder. She is a fabulous woman, celebrate that. She stuck by you when there was no intamacy. Celebrate her, romance her and blow her off her feet. Encourage the woman you first met to shine through.